My Reason: I Was Diagnosed With Cancer at 24
The Reason I am Building a Foundation for Young Adults Taking on Cancer
I was twenty-four when I heard “the results came back positive” and it didn’t quite register. Understandably my parents were incredibly upset so I turned to console them. You simply don’t have the tools required to process this news at twenty-four. Instead of focusing on my career, love life, or figuring out who I am going to become in life, I was sitting in a dark office learning vocabulary nobody my age should have to learn and charting a path to survive.
The treatment was extremely difficult. I expected that part. What I did not expect was how alone it all made me feel, especially after treatments were complete.
My family loved me through every second of it, and they were also (understandably) terrified, holding themselves together so they could hold me together. My friends wanted to help and (also understandably) did not have the words to express what they wanted, so a lot of them went quiet. There is no instruction manual for this, but the result was that I was surrounded by people who cared about me, and I still felt like I was stranded on an island, watching everyone I loved cheer me on from a shore they could not reach. While I no longer blame any of them, there I was left to take my reality head on.
Thank God that over time I was able to find specific individuals who either “got it” or were able to sit with the discomfort of my experiences. These people did as much for me as any surgery or radiation therapy, especially because all of the support groups at the time seemed to be either for very young patients or older patients, both of which are more than deserving of support and care. Nonetheless I seemed to fall between the cracks, and that feeling is why I am building this foundation.
Katherine
I named this foundation after my grandmother. Her name was Katherine, and she was the warmest person I have ever known.
She cheered unabashedly loud for me from the stands at every game, loud enough to embarrass me and make me proud at the same time. She may have been proudly Irish, but she cooked like a native Italian. If love was something you could put on a plate and hand to someone, she mastered that art. She was proudest of her children and her grandchildren, and she made sure we knew it. We lost her to cancer, and even toward the end she did her best to stay cheery and full of energy, because that was simply who she was.
We could not save her. I think about that a lot. But I can take the thing she did better than anyone, showing up with warmth for the people who needed it, and point it at other young people who are facing what I faced.
What We Are Building
The Katherine Paleno Foundation supports young adults between the ages of 18 and 30 with cancer, during treatment and through the long stretch after it ends. We do it for free, and we aim to provide this support nationally.
The heart of it is simple. We match a young patient with a real person who walks beside them. Someone who checks in, listens, and helps them find their way through the parts no one prepares you for. We will leave medical advice to licensed professionals, but can also provide some tips to help you or someone you know through the process. Just connection, and a hand to hold through the loneliest version of a challenging time.
We also stay after treatment ends, which is the part a lot of programs skip. Remission is not a finish line, and we are left dealing with a whirlwind of physical and mental challenges that fundamentally alter the way we look at life going forward. For a lot of survivors, the quiet after is when it gets hard. We do not disappear then, and (once again, understandably) a lot of the support network moves on once they think you are “safe.”
If This is You, Or Someone You Love
I am building this in the open, and I would like you here for it.
If you are a young adult facing cancer right now, or you love someone who is, reach out. You do not have to do this alone.
If you are a survivor and you want to be the person you wish you had, we are looking for your help as well.
And if you just want to follow along as this grows, subscribe. I will keep you close to the work.